Self-Deception

John, Apostle and Evangelist
1 John 1:1 - 2:2 (NRSV)

We declare to you what was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the word of life - this life was revealed, and we have seen it and testify to it, and declare to you the eternal life that was with the Father and was revealed to us - we declare to you what we have seen and heard so that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him while we are walking in darkness, we lie and do not do what is true; but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. 

These words have come off my lips so often on Sunday mornings in church, that I often think I may take them for granted.  "If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, God who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  It's been a while since I've used these particular words in worship, so when I read them now, it is maybe with fresh eyes.

How often is the truth in me?  I think there must be multiple times a day where I say something defensive to get out of feeling guilty or wrong for something I've done.  Often the person I'm not being honest with isn't someone else - it's me.

It's a hard thing to live with when you deceive yourself.  The truth tends to eek out in other ways, sometimes in conscious ways, and sometimes in unconscious ways.  One of the reasons I've long been interested in the 12 Step program of AA and other addition recovery groups is the grounding in the truth -  and the importance of repeating the truth over and over - until it sinks in.  Beginning each day by admitting you are powerless - whether it is over alcohol, drugs, lying, anger, selfishness, or sin, is a good way to start things.  It is a confession that "cleanses us from all unrighteousness."

Living in truth can be hard when we've become too comfortable with self-deception.  But living with truth is freeing.  It frees us not simply from our sins, but also frees us to be something new.  The new creation God intends for us.  The light comes in and banishes the darkness of the lie.

It frees us to have fellowship with one another so that our joy may be complete.

***

Forgiving God, I admit I am powerless over my need to be right, my need to be in control and my need to escape from the hollowness of my guilt.  Only you can restore me to the truth.  Restore me.  Heal me.  Renew me.  Write the truth on my heart and let it sing out.  Amen.