Job 36:26

Job 36:26New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

Surely God is great, and we do not know him; the number of his years is unsearchable.

A couple of years ago, it was suggested to me by the therapist I was seeing, that I probably have Attention Deficit Disorder.  I had actually gone to see this therapist because I had started suffering from chronic insomnia, and was beginning to wonder if I was getting depressed because I wasn't sleeping or I wasn't sleeping because I was depressed.  Seems now like it was the former, since women my age are often prone to insomnia and it IS depressing!

During our conversations, my therapist helped me see the patterns of ADD that had been in my life all along but that I'd never really noticed.  Now, admittedly, his diagnosis wasn't an official one, made after testing, but I remember feeling quite freed by it.  I didn't understand it, but nevertheless it made complete sense.

I tell you about the ADD for two reasons.  First, because it will help explain why all of a sudden we are back today looking at Job (returning to the ELCA daily reading) and leaving the Old Testament characters mid stream.  Truth is my attention has been diverted by today's ELCA reading.  So David and the others from the Hebrew scriptures will take a breather for a little while.  I think it might be time to do something different.  So, until I can think of something else (or someone gives me an idea!), we'll go back to the ELCA for inspiration for a little while.  So now you know...my attention gets easily diverted!

The second reason I tell you about the ADD is that the quote above from Job - spoken to Job by his friend, Elihu - speaks to how I felt with knowing I had ADD and how, I think, many of us feel when we've been given news or learned something about ourselves that we might not necessarily like, but are nevertheless glad we know.

Because the truth is that as I peeled the layers back and looked at my life - one that had been confusing when I couldn't understand what was going on in my brain - God often seemed unsearchable.  Unknowable.

And as things became illuminated, God was still unknowable and unsearchable and yet...

Great.

Because through God's illumination I knew more about myself than I did before.  And while what I knew wasn't wonderful, it was better than not knowing.

We are often confronted by things about ourselves we don't like.  Sometimes those things threaten our health, sometimes they threaten how we view the world.  Sometimes they threaten how we see God.

Why God works that way is unknowable.  Unsearchable. But I know that every time I've been confronted by a new truth, the knowing has made me stronger.  Maybe not at first.  Maybe not even for a while.  Usually there's some pain that has to be gone through first.

But when I came out to the other side, I was able to see just a bit more clearly that surely God is great!

God of goodness and mercy, continue to point me to the truth of my life: who I truly am and how to travel on this path you have put before me.  Grant me patience for the journey, knowing that even when you are unsearchable, what I can always know about you is your infinite love.  Amen.